The trouble began in the planning process. We left it till the last minute, so of course that was fun (not really). We were planning the cat-bathing for Monday, but we had to reschedule for some reason (maybe Alex was exhausted? Maybe I was emotionally drained? I don’t remember). So we scheduled it for Wednesday. Then Ms. Linda’s relative died and she called to ask when the project was due. I said “Friday” and she paused for a second and then said, “Yeah, go ahead and come. I’ll make dinner.”

She always makes dinner when we go over there. We hadn’t been the whole semester, but we used to go over every Thursday, along with Tom and Susie, and we’d have a Survivor party and eat Ms. Linda’s tasty home-cooking (she’s the mother of one of my husband’s best friends, who was off at law school). But then her relative got sick and she couldn’t really do the Survivor thing anymore. And I missed her terribly! She’s so cool!

So when Alex came home, I was all stressed out and one of the things I sniffled out to him was, “. . . and Ms. Linda’s relative just died today and I don’t know if we’re going to be an imposition instead of a help and all like, ‘Yeah, let me come over and get a good grade!’ when her relative just died! I’d rather bathe Princess on Saturday and take a loss on my grade.”

So he said, “Your teacher would understand if we postpone it until the weekend, wouldn’t she?”

And I blew my nose and said, “Probably.”

So he said, “I’ll see if she’d prefer that we do that, then.” And he called and talked to Ms. Linda and she already had dinner done and was willing to watch some House with us, too. So we went and she seemed in pretty good spirits for someone who had just lost a relative. She wasn’t, as her son said when he called to warn me about what was going on, “giddy.” But she seemed happy to see us and willing to smile and joke around like she usually does.

I also, because I was there as a volunteer, got Ms. Linda her plate o’ spaghetti. Alex was going to, but then I said, “No, let me! I need to do something other than bathe Princess.”

Now let me tell you about the cats. Jasmine is a gorgeous, long-haired black creature with an evil streak like a gold mine in her veins. So, of course, they told me not to bathe her. Because, and I’m quoting, she’d kill me.

No, I had a date with the 25 pound bundle of greasy-furred love. Her hair had started to mat around her tail, and I didn’t get around to shaving her (I don’t know if we had the proper tools, anyway), but Alex and I went out and picked up some Johnson’s Baby Shampoo to use on her, so it wouldn’t hurt if it got in her eyes.

Let me just give a few tips on cat bathing.

First, it’s best to do it in the tub and have a bottle of Drain-o nearby. Ms. Linda doesn’t use Drain-o, so we made a makeshift hair-catcher out of one of her small wire strainers. Alex duct-taped it to the drain.

Second, it’s always good to have a large cup with which you can pour water to rinse. Cats tend to panic when you get them under the running water. I didn’t have a cup, and that was troublesome.

Third, always bathe declawed cats who don’t bite, unless they’re used to baths or you own long protective gloves and a leather jerkin. And a helmet. (Princess was declawed and didn’t bite. Jasmine was declawed but I’m sure she would have bitten. Then I would have had to have shots.)

Fourth, have no mercy. They may make alarming noises, but the fastest way to finish their misery and yours is to wash them and get them out of the tub.

Fifth, the bigger a cat is, the harder it is to keep them in the tub. I was fighting 25 pounds of frantic feline. My lower back and thighs ached like they were going to snap just from kneeling over the tub and holding her in.

All in all, it was a great evening. I had fun, and it was wonderful to see Ms. Linda again. And she was happy to have Princess clean. ^_^

Note: Picture is not the actual cat. It’s just for humorous purposes.