We recently bought the Xena: 10th Anniversary Collection. The episodes on it were chosen by fans, so it’s a little different than your typical collection.

The popular thing (back when the show was on) was trying to decide if Xena and Gabrielle had a lesbian relationship or not. My dad said that it was smart of the producers not to say if they did or didn’t — because either way, they would alienate a group of watchers. By keeping it ambiguous, the show kept both sides of the issue.

But that isn’t the point of this post. What I really want to talk about is close same-gender friendships. I think that there is something absolutely beautiful, almost heartbreaking, in friendships between two women or two men that are so close that they induce absolute loyalty and devotion — so close that misguided fans think that the relationship should move into a romantic atmosphere, as if that would make it better.

What I believe is that there is nothing more precious, rare, and pure than a friendship as close as, say, Xena and Gabrielle or Frodo and Sam. It is completely different than a romantic relationship, with purer motives and less complication. It is simple and straightforward, like light through a diamond. It has no illusions, no jealousy, no ill will. I’ve always had a particular fondness for this kind of friendship — the kind that makes sacrifices.

Love relationships are not the same thing. They are completely different. And that difference is what touches me — that two people could love without expecting any romantic favors or give emotional support without crossing any lines into the messy domain of help with the hope of something in return. Friendship does not cross that line into the physical or sexual, lines which sometimes writers and fans cross too liberally, as if all close relationships must be romantic.

Even the purest of romantic love has a certain amount of selfishness that friendship lacks. Because when romantic feelings come into play, the parties in question always want more — emotionally or physically. With friendship, the parties are satisfied with what they have. There’s something special about that.