They say people are afraid of success because they fear change. At least, I think I heard that on TV once.

I’m more worried about the pressure that comes with success. Of course, do I want to succeed? Sure, of course. Life-long dream and all. Do I want to fail? Maybe a little. But it’s mostly because I’m afraid of stress. When I think about potential stress, I get stressed.

My brother says I need to take it one book at a time. My husband ordered me to stop worrying. And I keep trying to remind myself “You wanted this. If you don’t try, you won’t fail, but you also won’t put your mean creative arts teachers from high school in their place.” (Note that these aren’t my English teachers. My English teachers were awesome.)

But really, what do I want? I want to be published. How bad to I want it? Very badly. So what is holding me back? Am I an idiot?

The jury (and my cat) say yes.

Oh, I’m going to do it, don’t worry. If anything, just to make the cat shut up. I’m just a little freaked at the moment. I worked hard to get here and now that I am I wonder if here is good enough or if I should take another year obsessing over this book. But no, I need to move on and get this baby out of the womb (i.e., my USB drive).

I’ll deal with the diaper-changing and late night crying jags when they get here.